If you’re like me, you bottle every negative emotion deep down inside of you hoping it’ll just stay there forever. If you’re also like me, those negative emotions explode every so often in the most counterproductive way. We are somehow are expected to deal with work, school, relationships, friends, obligations, family, and finances with a smile on our face every day. There seems to be no room for a break nowadays. Or so we think.
I’ve been trying to find the healthy balance between “venting” and burying things inside the deepest and darkest pit of my soul. In college, I was so damn busy I didn’t even have time to think of any of my “problems.” If I had a moment to myself, you best believe I was either sleeping or at brunch. God bless brunch. Post graduation, I now have SO MUCH TIME TO THINK IT DRIVES ME INSANE. It’s like the deepest and darkest pit of my soul has reached system overload and has exploded, leaving me to deal with cleaning up its unwelcomed mess. Everything I tried my hardest NOT to deal with or think about the last four years suddenly feels like they are welcome back into my life. At first I kindly declined their invitation, to which they ignored. So now I’m inviting all of these negative emotions to stay a while.
Why? Because our past teaches us lessons for the future. Our hardships build strength. Our struggles create triumphs. There’s a reason we aren’t equipped to hold everything inside; there’s a reason anxiety and depression arises when we keep our problems to ourselves or don’t seek to find a healthy escape. I thought I “found myself” in college. What I actually found was a very consistent and busy schedule that made me feel as if I was in control. During my last semester, I was in 6 classes, one of which was a graduate neuroscience class, had two jobs, started a 5k walk for charity, and was a part of an a cappella group I started two years prior. I think there’s a huge difference between bragging and being proud of your accomplishments. When I graduated in May, I was proud. I doubted myself so much throughout my college career and crossing that stage proved that I really can do whatever I put my mind to. So, I felt like I knew who I was. I felt grounded. I felt in control.
LOL, no. I was putting a bandaid on everything. I was keeping busy to redirect my thoughts. I had such a passion for the a cappella group ( waaaaay tooooo much of a passion at times), because music was my one true escape. I felt liberated whenever I sang. There’s truly something amazing about people coming together and making music. What you hear is the sound of every single person’s emotions and past coming together into one harmonious and beautiful tune. But now, post grad, music hasn’t been my main priority. I’ve been trying to figure out my career plan, graduate school, jobs, and furthering my passion for Wait for Weight.
What I’ve found through my life shift is that I’ve been putting aside my passions in order to figure out my future. As a result, I was forced to deal with everything I ignored. At first, it was giving me a lot of anxiety. I didn’t know how to deal with it all. I absolutely HATE talking about my “feelings” or venting to someone. Truthfully, I don’t really know how to. I’ve always done so through music, so I’m a bit at a loss for words now, quite literally. But, I realized I needed to get back into a routine. I needed to find ME again. I needed to do something every morning or every night that made me happy.
So I started forcing myself to wake up early every morning, make some coffee, light some candles, turn on some netflix and stretch. Although I’m no longer a part of a musical group, I bust out some youtube karaoke as much as I can and belt my little heart away. I’ve been creating a running schedule and planning out how many miles I want to run a week. People keep asking what I’m training for. My answer? I’m training for me.
Finding time for you can mean whatever you want it to be. There’s no reason to ALWAYS neglect your feelings, wants, and needs for the sake of others. To constantly give our love and support to those we love, we need to make sure we ourselves are at a state of stability. You don’t want to subconsciously project your stress onto your significant other, your children, friends, or family. You should live your life in a state of peace as much as possible, in order to radiate positivity and strength to those around you.
Find your YOU. Maybe wake up a bit early and read a book, go on a walk, take a bubble bath, meditate, do yoga, run, take a nap, or eat that chocolate bar you’ve been craving. You don’t have to dedicate a whole day to yourself in order to FIND yourself. The biggest lie you’re telling yourself is that you don’t have time. If you really want something, you’ll find time. So what are you waiting for? Go de-stress. Go be happy. Go live your life, so you can feel fulfilled, and in turn be completely present for those you love.
Happy Living! 🌻